Healing has been one of my focuses in this lifetime. How to heal myself, from all sorts of things. It hasn’t been easy. It has taken me a long time to really understand and hear my body.
Because let me say this body tries so hard to talk to us, but we don’t often listen. We often push things away until it becomes more serious, and then we sit there and wonder how didn’t we see this disease/illness coming?
Well the signs are always there but we ignore or think, well this will go away nothing to worry about. I’m a big believer in TCM (traditional Chinese Medicine) in energy, in emotions creating illness, in balance. But I wasn’t always into it; it took time for me to wake up to this truth. I respect everyone’s beliefs to each their own. I may sound crazy to some of the people around me but I believe in this and I see it work for me.
One of my meridian points in my body was extra sensitive this past week, my body talking to me. Its SP6 it deals with menstruation, digestive health all that good stuff. I looked into it and I massaged it, it helped. After the fact it brought my period along, it was stagnant and me massaging the trigger point helped it along. I try and listen to what I am being communicated.
I am more aware now than I have ever before. My emotions are strong, and intense. I create havoc within myself sometimes. I had a sexual encounter not too long ago that brought on a lot of feeling of unworthiness and emptiness. I was very hard on myself. It was my choice I wasn’t forced, but I knew better. I doubted the whole thing, something felt off to me. I no longer just want sex; I need a connection to feel whole. I recognize my worth and I want someone with substance. Sex is sex but what is left after if I have no substance? For me that is no longer a viable option.
I felt nothing. I sat in my car after thinking why did you even put yourself in this position knowing better? I didn’t listen to myself. It happened; I needed so I could recognize my growth. Yes I felt like shit after the fact, but in that lies the lesson.
This is something others can do, and hey good for you. I have no judgments. But for me it’s no longer an option. I can’t give my energy to anyone not reciprocating me. I can’t keep feeling depleted like this.
Sexual energy is very powerful and it can be very healing. But it has to be mutual. When it’s not, one person always takes more than the other. One person may feel exhausted after the fact while the other is full of energy. When it’s not a mutual exchange the energy is taken by the person leaving the other depleted. Does that make sense?
I want to have an even exchange and experience wholeness again. Sex is more than just sex, its intimate our essence connect and bond, its bliss. I won’t settle for less anymore. My womb is a creator, it gives life. I won’t accept energy that is toxic to me anymore.
After I had that experience I was hard on myself. I neglected myself. I was angry. There was a lot of self-hate, and resentment, one because I didn’t listen to my instinct. I knew it wasn’t a good idea but I did it anyway. I don’t listen. I doubt my instinct often. But this was a big lesson for me.
There was shame in what I did, I felt empty and that made me sad and I was disappointed. After creating animosity within self I created illness. Where you ask? In my root chakra of course. Our root is linked to our sexuality. I was ashamed of mine. I created a cyst in my ovary.
Listen to some people who read this, it may sound nuts and its ok. Laugh if it makes it better. I know my body and I know I did this. I take responsibility for it. But I will heal myself.
Self-love with heal me. Love is powerful energy more so than anger. I am making changes in what I intake, I don’t take medicine. I look to earth to help me. Plants are extraordinary doctors. There are so many plants that heal, but some people don’t see them as powerful as they are.
I do. I surround myself with earth energy, grounding myself and healing myself. We create illness unconsciously. I believe that and I believe we have the power to reverse it.
There are a lot of resources online now. Books are essential too. They are full of so much knowledge.