I have been feeling out of place and just lethargic for the last few weeks. I feel I’m just going with the motions not really living just being. I don’t like it. I don’t have a sense of purpose.
I hate not feeling happy or passionate about what I’m doing. I am no longer happy here at this work environment, its draining me. I can feel it day by day.
I hate this.
I have no sense of motivation; nothing has been able to spark me back to life. I don’t understand why. I want to create I want to be happy and passionate, but I’m just existing. There is a purpose for this too, I just can’t see it.
I am being left to find my way. To really see what I want from this life. The universe is ready to provide it waits for me. This flow to you I hear, well yea but what do I want?
I want to write, I want to travel and explore and photograph the magic that is this world. I want to live a life full of laughter and passion. That’s all I want.
I’ve never really had a plan for my life. Things have happened that always set me into a new direction. I never thought I should plan anything, I never knew what the next day would bring. Once as a child I remember dreaming about being a lawyer. I was so excited about it, so determined.
But my spark was quickly turned off. I allowed others to shut my dreams down. They tried to dim my light in other ways too, but I kept moving forward broken but moving.
Here I am, looking back and I can see how far I have come, but I never allowed myself to have dreams.
Well I am allowing myself today.
Everything I was told I couldn’t be.
I am a writer, and no one’s approval is required.
I am an artist I paint my soul into a canvas, and no one will ever realize it.
I am magnificent; I am a woman in all my glory.
I am flawed, this stomach isn’t flat it carries with it stretch marks. This skin is flawed it carries with it scars. These eyes are brown like my skin, I am an immigrant my children will be first generation Mexican –American.
I am more than you think I am. I am resilient.