Loss.

How long does one have to mourn a loss?

Its been four years for me. Yet some memories trigger me back to that moment and all this sorrow and tears overwhelm me. I have felt , no I have been made to feel like I have surpassed the time allowed to heal.

Still? I am asked. Making me feel ashamed. Am I doing something wrong? Did I not go through all the stages of mourning? Or do I just happen to have shitty friends?

Well, the latter.

What gives anyone the authority to tell me how to mourn someone? We all heal in due time and we all take different times to do so. We are all different.

I saw him pass in front of me. That was traumatic for me. That memory has imprinted on to my spirit. A sound, a hospital, a conversation has triggered it. What can I do with that?

I cant control how the memory overtakes me nor can I control the emotions that come with it. I am doing so much better than I was. But some days it get to me. I wont apologize for it.

Loss is painful. I commend anyone who has dealt with it and has risen. It isn’t easy. But we chose to keep our faith and keep walking. Some don’t some go into self destruction mode or end up depressed.

We all handle it different. If you are depressed, know that you are not alone. Its ok to mourn , its ok to cry. Cry please do it. Release all those pent up emotions that we tend to bury. To keep all that stored up in our body is toxic. Mentally, spiritually and physically.

To heal one self is courage. To get out of bed and continue living when its the last thing you want to do is courage.

You are stronger than you believe. Don’t let no one tell you other wise. Don’t let anyone rush your healing process. You know yourself better than anyone else.

We will rise.

You will rise.

-Z

 

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