I’ve met someone.
But not for the first time, my soul recognize him. I can’t pin point to you from when. I just have this knowing and this trust that this isn’t our first time around one another.
This wasn’t our first encounter, it was a reunion. That’s how I feel. I can’t find the words to express this feeling but I know I don’t want it to disappear. The feeling of familiarity was mutual. It’s like we haven’t seen one another in years and it didn’t matter, we picked up right where we left off.
He is comfort, laughter, trust, and magic. He is in my same wave length. The connection is spiritual he recognizes it as well, he trusted before I did.
I feared it.
I was in a situationship before, he was a narcissist. Need I say more?
He fucked me up mentally. I didn’t feel I was worthy. He would bring me down but boost me up enough to keep me around. I knew it was a situationship, I knew he didn’t define me. I knew that was his perspective and not my truth. But I stayed around, because deep in me this is what I felt I deserved. He brought out of my insecurities my fears. He didn’t bring out the bliss in me.
I didn’t realize he was a narcissist though, until recently. That really got me. That’s when the veil finally dropped and I saw him for what he was. But I also understood why he acted like he did, controlling a situation because of fear, hiding behind this ego because fear.
Ego is fear based I see that. People hide behind what they can. I know he was hidden self and protecting himself as well. I could see it. As much as I tried to “save him” and tried to show him he wasn’t that, that ego was a liar he wasn’t ready. I had to learn the hard way that I’m not responsible for saving anyone. We all have to walk our path and grow; I can’t fight anyone else’s battle, or force them to see what they aren’t ready to. My problem is and will be that I can see people for who they really are, behind ego, their true self. I saw it in him, but I allowed him to hurt me thinking “but I see you, this isn’t you, it’s just a phase.” It maybe I don’t know, but he wasn’t ready to let go of fear and allow someone to love him.
Love scared him. Love to him is pain. I can’t force anyone else to see my truth when their truth is different. I tried until I ran ragged. I hope one day you see that all I wanted was to love you, and I did. You pushed me away but this time I’m not coming back. I love myself more. I love myself enough to walk away and let you find yourself.
Looking back a lot of things now made sense. But things happen as they need to. I was ready to let go. I had to really work on myself to release those shadows buried with in me of unworthiness.
I did. I told myself enough. You may have felt broken and unwanted at one point or another but not anymore. I am worthy of love. I am deserving. I won’t allow others to treat me like this. I have grown to love myself for who I am. That has been a long and difficult road but I’m here now.
I kid you not; as soon as I released the toxic energy fell into place for me to meet him.
I needed to put myself first, to understand that I deserved everything good. Once I saw that and released those thoughts the universe sent me someone who saw everything in me I finally did.
He makes me laugh, he understand me. He understands the way I view life. I am vibrating higher now.
But why do we settle? We are condition by previous circumstances we have been through I feel. I know I was. But we have to learn to releases someone else’s perspective on us. THEIR perspective is not our truth. No one defines me but me.
No one can bring me down to that level unless I allow it. No more.
I am worthy.
Fuck what anyone else thinks of me in any form.
You don’t define any part of me. I love myself enough.